You separated, but your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend won’t stop talking to you, texting you, or maybe even following you. They state they wish to get back together, despite the fact that you’re done. Or possibly you’re the one who wants to get back together, however you know it’s a bad choice. You have to have the ability to avoid your ex and proceed with your life.
Part 1. Preventing Contact with an Ex
1. Don’t call or text. Utilize your phone’s settings to help you prevent contact with your ex. For example, you can change your ex’s name in your address book to “DO NOT RESPONSE” to remind you exactly what you need to do. Some phones or services will likewise permit you to block a particular number entirely.
2. Keep any contact brief. If you should talk with your ex, keep the communication quick however friendly. Never flirt, nevertheless tempting it may appear. If you begin to repeat old arguments or bad patterns, end the discussion right away: state, “I’m sorry, this discussion isn’t really working out. I have to end it.”
3. Ask teachers, bosses, or coworkers for help in limiting your exposure to your ex. Interacting carefully in class, being assigned to the same task, or getting put at the same work table might derail your effort to prevent your ex. You might need to ask others at school or work for assistance to prevent these scenarios.
- For instance, you might describe to a teacher that you would choose not to do a group task with your ex. Or, you could ask your guidance therapist for assistance in arranging your schedule so that you are not in class with your ex.
4. Strategy your schedule to prevent uncomfortable encounters. If you don’t face your ex, you will not accidentally begin talking to him. And you won’t see him flirting with another person, either.
- If you remain in school together, use your understanding of his schedule to prevent crossing paths in the corridor or by the lockers.
- Avoid visiting his workplace. For instance, if he works for a café, get your hot drinks somewhere else now.
- Do not go to his preferred hangouts or to his occasions. If your ex plays basketball, don’t go to those video games. If he always took you bowling, don’t go bowling for a while.
5. Keep in contact with mutual buddies, however make your borders clear. Do not keep socializing with your ex simply because you have mutual friends. Regard that your good friends may wish to remain buddies with both of you. While it can be tempting to try to convince everyone to side with you, it’s not healthy.
- It may be practical to talk through different scenarios with your buddies. For instance, you might state: “I do not feel comfortable continuing our film nights as a little group right now. However, if you toss a big celebration, it’s ok to invite both of us.”.
- Recognize that your needs will change with time. Keep your good friends as much as date: if it’s ok to welcome you both to a supper party now, say so.
- Leave his good friends to him. Just as you need the support of your friends and family as you navigate the break-up, so does your ex. Let your ex count on his own network of friends and family.
Part 2. Avoiding an Ex Who is Pursuing You.
1. Acknowledge indications of stalking and abuse. Stalking is specified as a pattern of unwanted interest or habits directed at you that would make an affordable individual fearful. For example, it is stalking to send repeated, invasive, frightening calls, messages, or presents. A stalker may follow or wait for you in places where she knows she’ll discover you. Or, he may make risks to hurt you or your buddies or household. Count on your impulses: if you feel you are being stalked, seek aid, including calling the police. Don’t downplay threatening behavior. Keep a record of contact made by a stalker as well as keep any police reports.
2. Set and interact your own boundaries. In some cases, an ex’s behavior may not increase to the level of stalking. Perhaps she just keeps asking to be pals or to obtain back together. Or perhaps he’s informing you that it’s regular for exes to spend a particular amount of time together. You get to set your very own boundaries with an ex, even if you feel guilty about ending the relationship.
- Decide on what borders make you feel most able to enjoy your own life. Remember that you don’t owe your ex your time and interest. Naming your own borders, to yourself and your buddies, is the initial step.
- Focus on sensations of bitterness or discomfort. They are typically an indication that you feel your borders are being violated or that you haven’t set limits that really make you comfy.
- Be direct about exactly what your limits all. Do not hesitate to seem like a broken record if you have to. Inform your ex: “I’m not prepared to be pals. If and when I prepare, I will let you understand.”.
3. Rely on your loved ones. They are a handy resource and the very first line of defense in preventing your ex from contacting you.
- Ask your household for aid in restricting contact with your ex. For instance, your moms and dads may be able to evaluate calls or other manner ins which your ex aims to call you.
- Do not tolerate good friends who won’t respect your choice to end contact with your ex. If your good friends try to utilize the scenario to stimulate drama, they are not real buddies.
4. Ask for aid in imposing boundaries and remaining safe at school or work. You have the right not to be forced into unnecessary contact with an abusive or stalking ex. At school, you may wish to begin by speaking to an assistance therapist; at work, with Human Resources or a relied on manager.
5. Don’t be taken in by promises that your ex will change. If you have actually been in abusive relationship, your ex may promise that he won’t abuse you any more if you get back together. This is part of the cycle of abuse. While your ex might be able to change in time, if he does a lot of work and gets a lot of expert assistance, you have to be out of the relationship now.
6. Seek legal help if necessary. If your ex definitely will not leave you alone, in spite of anything you or others state, you might have to get a limiting order. This is a legal file that states the limitations on the contact your ex might make with you.
Part 3. Avoiding Thinking of Your Ex.
1. Commit making a clean break. While it’s possible to be friends with someone you used to date, you need time to recover from the separation prior to that’s possible.
- Friendships in between exes are typically less satisfying, in the long run, than relationships in between individuals who never ever dated.
- Mark a date on a calendar to strengthen on your own how long it actually is. If you had a fairly healthy relationship, you may be able to say to your ex: “I hope that we can communicate as good friends in the future. However for now, I need a particular amount of time to deal with my own recovery. That suggests I won’t accept your calls or talk to you till this date at the soonest.”.
2. Keep in mind that not calling your ex has to do with carrying on, not re-starting the relationship. You need to develop a brand-new sense of yourself that is not based in your old relationship. Rather than concentrating on her, focus on your good friends and your household relationships, your studies, your work, and your pastimes.
- Now is a good time to connect to that buddy you really like that you haven’t seen for a while.
- Think about taking up a brand-new pastime, so that you fulfill new individuals and construct self-confidence in a brand-new context.
3. Prevent your ex on social networks. Staying connected on social networks may hold you back from recovery and carrying on after the end of a charming relationship. Your focus must be on personal development, not pictures of her night out or status updates about her new partner– or how lonesome she is.
- Unfriend your ex on Facebook. In addition, there are apps and plug-ins that can obstruct your ex’s updates from appearing in your feed and remove any posts that mention him.
- Unfollow your ex on Twitter, Snapchat, and Instagram.
- Utilise a “obstruct your ex” plug-in to remove references to your ex from your internet browser altogether. These can be handy if you just cannot withstand searching her name from time to time.
4. Do not daydream about your ex. The drama of infatuation and romantic relationships can mimic addiction.  Acknowledge that your fantasies are formed by the best aspects of the relationship and are not a precise representation of exactly what it was actually like to be with him.
5. Write a journal entry about the favorable elements of the relationship– and of ending it. Individual development frequently results from a split. Composing a brief, individual essay that concentrates on the positive impacts of the separation helps to enhance positive emotions like appreciation, hopefulness, relief, and satisfaction.
6. Talk with a counselor or therapist. If you find yourself not able to obtain over your ex, or overwhelmed with sensations of unhappiness, anguish, or fear, you must speak to a specialist. A counselor will also be able to help you develop strategies for any interactions you need to have with your ex.
- Take some time to discover the right therapist for you. You might need to speak to a few various people or get recommendations from numerous different sources, including your school and your physician’s office. It deserves it to find someone you feel comfortable with.
7. Stay away from drugs and alcohol. Enhanced drug abuse typically occurs when someone is experiencing a break-up. However depending on alcohol or drugs will only trigger brand-new problems for you.
8. Take your time to find out exactly what occurred. While your buddies may encourage you to get over a relationship quickly by finding someone new, you’re better off taking time to understand exactly what went wrong initially. Talk with a counselor or relied on, mature good friend about the relationship and how it ended.
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